DBC Treats!

Breakfast cereal treats are back. It began in 1993, conceptually, with simple, conservative forays such as Chex Party Mix and Rice Krispie Treats. But then the endemic postmodernist pathology of the late 20th Century took hold, and the world witnessed the eruption of phenomena such as Froot Loop Meatloaf, Granola Tyrannosaurus Brownies, and Giant Pierced Trix Rabbit Ears. Over the years, even more demented offerings invaded the party -- Moses with the Ten Commandments, the Death of the Hindenburg, Fricasseed Turtle Raisin Bran, Strawberry Moose Cheerios, and Sushi Corn Flakes with Mutton Buttons. By the 21st Century, it was beyond out of control.

2008 Grand Prize Winner: Pirate Ship! by Debbie Thiel

2002 Contest

Grand Prize Winner: "The Venus de Milko" by Lori, John, Leo, Peter

A font of calcium-rich, vitamin packed, pure white liquid heaven, cascading from a classical statuette constructed of Rice Krispie Treat material, bran, and chutzpah

2nd Prize Winner - Bamiyan Buddha/Venice Charter Violation

by Charles and Shaula

In commemoration of the immense Afghani statue of the Buddha destroyed in 2001 by the Taliban

In the Bamiyan Valley of Afghanistan, two Buddha statues were carved into sandstone cliffs sometime in the 3rd Century, AD. The valley was a regular stop of the silk caravan route and reflected the area being a major Buddhist center from the 2nd Century through the 9th Century. After they were carved, their detail was built up with mud and straw, plastered over and the final results painted. It is believed the larger Buddha was red and the smaller was blue, with their faces and hands in gold.

The taller statue (approximated here as it appeared in 1979) was 53 meters tall (175 feet), and the largest statue figure in the world. The smaller statue was 36 meters tall (120 feet).

In March 2001, the Taliban destroyed the Buddhas because they considered them offensive. For years, many organizations had tried to save the Buddhas, and some even offered money to preserve them. The Taliban refused, arguing that it was hypocritical to offer money to save statues when there were children starving in their country. It was apparently not hypocritical to be spending money on ordnance for destruction. CNN.com quoted Information Minister Qudratullah Jamal: "The destruction work is not as easy as people would think," he said. "You can't knock down the statues by dynamite or shelling as both of them have been carved in a cliff. They are firmly attached to the mountain." After the destruction, the Taliban attempted to sell pieces of the Buddhas.

Although some groups called for rebuilding the Buddhas, UNESCO (United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization) says the Venice Charter forbids the reconstruction of monuments on the principle that a cultural artifact cannot be replaced.

In memory of the Buddhas of Bamiyan and in possible violation of the Venice Charter, we render the larger statue in Kellogg’s Rice Crispies using 1/100 scale for Andy and Project Alchemy’s birthday.

3rd Prize Winner - Box Art: Solidaribits and Manifesto

by Paul, Rebecca and William

MANIFESTO in Defense of Demented Breakfast Cereal Treat BOX Art, as Opposed to Cereal Treat Art Per Se

Whereas,

  • Demented BOX Art has emerged, in recent years, as the most dynamic and popular trend in the Demented Breakfast Cereal Treat Art of our time.
  • Any really decent breakfast cereal is, by definition, not only lumpy and extra crunchy but also of a beige, tan, or brown hue, thereby narrowing the textural, shapular, and colorific expression of cereal art beyond the reasonable creative constraints of art and design. See Addendum: Exhibit A (leftwing).
  • The only breakfast cereal treats affording the demented cereal artiste an adequate textural, shapular, and colorific palette are tasteless, unhealthy, laced with Red, Yellow, and Blue Dyes #1‚999,999,999, and produced by workers exploited for obscene profits by evil multinational corporations. See Addendum: Exhibit B (rightwing).
  • Demented BOX Art, unlike cereal treat art per se, does not require the purchase of tasteless, unhealthy breakfast cereal treat products.
  • Tasteless, unhealthy breakfast cereal treat products, though by definition tasteless -- and did we mention unhealthy? -- do nevertheless consist of Food.
  • Food, no matter how tasteless and/or unhealthy, is better consumed by hungry human beings, even by beasts, than fondled by demented cereal artistes‚ and ultimately, let's face it, wantonly destroyed as so much unrecyclable rubbish.
  • Demented BOX Art, unlike its antecedent cereal treat art per se, does not require said wanton destruction of said food in said unrecyclable rubbish.
  • Demented BOX Art, unlike cereal art per se, if produced on recycled paper as are this Manifesto and its accompanying SolidariBits, does not even kill many trees. And those it does kill, die gladly.
  • The soi-disant Judges, a.k.a. the Management, of said Contest, in its notorious first six years, have displayed an unconscionable preference in favor of the same old Establishment cereal treat "art" --  which the demented public and critics alike have deemed so over. These same Judges have flaunted their blinkered prejudice against demented BOX Art, the aforementioned culmination not only of Demented Breakfast Cereal Treat Art but of Art in its entirety as we know it.

Herewith‚

Now that we have exposed to said demented public said intrinsic contradictions of said Contest, heretofore unspoken except sotto voce in alienated caucuses, our nonnegotiable demand is for said Judges of said 7th Annual Demented Breakfast Cereal Treat Contest to redress said wrongs by beginning to recognize, representationally, said contributions of said demented BOX artistes everywhere. You may start with SolidariBits. Now. Do not attempt to co-opt us with even your most magnificent trophy. If chosen, we will not accept. If elected, we will not serve. (Well, perhaps we might. Oh, all right, if you insist.)

Addendum: Exhibit A. PCC extra-crunchy granola.

Tastes better than it looks. And so good for you. Honest.

Addendum: Exhibit B. Fruit Loops.

Look better than they taste. Sweetened cardboard soaked in Red, Yellow, and Blue Dyes. Purchased, years ago, by starving breakfast cereal treat artistes, since driven to dementia by the past capriciousness of said Judges.

This must stop.

And more...

 

2001 Contest

Grand Prize Winner:

Alien Cereal Abduction

By Sharman Armstong and Erin Culley-LaChapelle

It was a fine clear night in January. Nobody could imagine the horrors that lay ahead. Andy was aboard Seven Bells engaging in birthday festivities on his way to his party ashore. He had been complaining of seeing strange yet beautiful lights. The party continued at even more frenetic pace. The raucous bacchanal unwittingly attracted the attention of non-terrestrial onlookers from above.

The curiosity of those overhead was piqued when a large pink saucer-like object was carried on deck. This curiosity quickly turned to alarm, as this saucer was set "ablaze" (how else could you describe so many flaming candles atop such a petite gateau?). The onlookers went into standby alert; it looked like trouble down there, but they would wait for a sign, a cry for help, before interfering. They were soon to receive it. Suddenly as the blazing gateau was placed before Andy, a strange, disharmonious, yet powerful caterwauling erupted. The onlookers recognized this atonal howling as the distinct cry for help of the residents of the planet Epticon. What in the universe Epticonians were doing on planet Earth, the onlookers couldn’t imagine. Nonetheless, they required rescuing, along with all those nicely wrapped packages.

The onlookers fired up their Super Schlookerbeam and turned it on to maximum suction. Up, up, up went the presents, the refreshments, and the revelers. Andy made a last ditch effort to save himself and the Seven Bells from certain abduction by revving the diesels up to super turbo speed (of course that existed in those 1929 models) and beached her safely ashore, narrowly missing two camping nudists (who quickly headed for the hills upon hearing Andy’s hysterical rambling about "beam me up Scotty" type shenanigans).

And so this is how it comes to be that Andy is with us now. A word to the wise: if he starts gabbling about those pretty lights (or nudism) again.

RUN!!

Persistence of Memory - Daliesque Cerealism - 2nd Place Winner

by Otts 

This piece was constructed in the fluid (but never soggy) tradition of scrumptious cerealism. The inviolable Cheerio forms the bulk of the sculpture, echoing the circularity of time and cereal bowls. Self-devouring, frosty uroboros, the Cheerio denies consumption of its sugary perfection, mocking us with its blithe British salutation. Employing the Paranoid Critical Method, the viewer may begin to see a multiplicity of images contained within its artificially sweetened face: the irrelevance of tie, a confined world and the self-consuming, transitory nature of human existence, or perhaps the dangers of leaving one’s cereal in milk for too long. These disturbing visions are bounded by the golden charm of the Sugar Corn Pop, wheeling steadfastly around the watch face; bringing us back to a crunchier reality.

Ice Crispy Man - 3rd Place Winner

by Phil --

Over 5,000 years ago, this unfortunate Neolithic citizen of cerealism met his demise in a blizzard of yore high atop an Alpine mountain near the Swiss town of Schwarzenberg. His body was subsequently buried and trapped within the ice until recently discovered by two French paleontologists named Schwonz and Ponz while on a tulip-gathering expedition.

Cinnamon Bells - Honorable Mention

by Lori and John --

Trapped in time, somehow constructed so as to fit inside a milk bottle, floating in a sea of milk, a precisely rendered, built-to-scale, all-cereal model of the classic 1929 bridge deck cruiser Seven Bells, originally designed and built by Stephens Brothers of Stockton, CA.

And more...

2000 Contest

Grand Prize

"The Hindenberry" by Lori Walls, Peter Starrs and John Garibaldi

The German airship Hindenburg, elevated by hydrogen and carrying a complement of merry-making passengers, is caught at the moment of its own horrific demise as it passes inadvertently over a flaming birthday cake, catches fire itself, and then crashes tragically into a bowl of milk, whereupon the flames are extinguished.

A kinetic, architectural, multimedia experience constructed of what appear to be vast quantities of Lucky Charms, Trix, Life, and Grape Nuts.

2nd Prize

"The Mighty Cthulu," by Sharman Armstrong and Erin Culley-LaChapelle

According to H. P. Lovecraft's legend, Cthulu, a large green being with the head of a giant squid, rests in a tomb in the city of R'lyeh, which sank beneath the Pacific Ocean eons ago. Cthulu is dead, but not truly dead, as he and his fellow inhabitants of R'lyeh sleep the eons away. From time to time R'lyeh comes to the surface, and Cthulu's dreams influence sensitive individuals across the globe to depict his image, slay, and found cults dedicated to him. In the past R'lyeh has sunk after a short time, but the day will soon come when it rises to the surface permanently and great Cthulu strides across a world thrown into chaos and anarchy from his telepathic sendings.

Note the birthday cake Cthulhu is bringing to the Skansonia, as well as the hapless party of doomed boaters who inadvertently cross his path.

3rd Prize

"The Eruption of Vesuvius," by Amber Hintz Himes

An ancient catastrophe of cereal proportions. Eighteen centuries later, excavations reveal that the buildings of Pompeii and Herculaneum were constructed mainly of Life, Captain Crunch, Grape Nuts and Rice Krispies, and that its streets were paved with Corn Flakes.

And more...

1999 Contest

Grand Prize - Panorama of Moses, the Ten Commandments, the Children of Israel, and the Molten Calf

Created by Lori, John, and Peter, and constructed with Smacks, Cheerios, Cocoa Puffs, Cinnamon Chex, and Shredded Wheat.

Exodus 32: 7-8. "And the Lord said unto Moses, go get thee down; for the people which thou broughtest out of the land of Egypt have corrupted themselves. They have turned aside quickly out of the way which I commanded them; they have made them a molten calf, and have worshipped it, and have sacrificed thereunto, and said, these be thy gods, O Israel, which have brought thee up out of the land of Egypt."

Most Geographic DBCT

"Wisconsinite's Crispy Delight," by Mary Terselic

Recipe: 60 mini-marshmallows, 1 Rand McNally map, 4 tbs butter, 7 cups Rice Crispies, 1 pkg Tootie Fruities. Mix basic Krispie Treat concoction. While warm, shape into facsimile of Wisconsin. Sort blue Tootie Fruities from package and crush. Use blue mixture for lakes and river. Garnish with major cities in Tootie Fruitie colors of your choice.

Most Edible DBCT

Cocoa Puff chocolate cake by Brian. Yum. Yum.

Most Historic DBCT

"Portrait of Andy in 1970" by Chris and Amber

Rice Krispies, chocolate and cherry icing flavors, gold foil, plastic tape, and original button acquired at anti-war movement conference in 1970 on occasion of Chris' first meeting with Andy.

Most Bizarre DBCT

Rendering of copper etching by William Blake from "The Book of Urizen," by Timothy Harris

Oatmeal flakes and sweetly polychromatic Froot Loop cereal fragments.

Silliest DBCT

Cereal Killer, by Stella and Steve

Featuring the Corn Flake Chicken, Tony the Tiger, Snap, Crackle and Pop, the Lucky Charms Leprechaun, the Trix Rabbit, Sugar Bear, Captain Crunch, and Quisp.

Most Globally Significant DBCT

"Lifeffel Tower" by Craig and Jessie

Constructed with Life cereal and Elmer's glue.

And more...

 

 
 
 

1998 Contest

January 31, 1998. The Demented Breakfast Cereal Treat (DBCT) Contest. Andy's birthday party. Wallingford neighborhood in Seattle. Gray drizzle outside. Discombobulated venue for the contest. Bizarre concoctions stacked everywhere. Paparazzi crowding about snapping flashes and hurling questions. Gleeful yet bedraggled guests underfoot. Eager yet flustered DBCT combatants taking sidelong glances at their opponents. A drumbeat of anticipation. Tuxedoes, kilts, evening gowns, brass bands, Ella Fitzgerald and Jeff Buckley and Tony Bennett on the stereo, fizzy stuff cooling in the fridge, doorbell ringing time after time.

The 1998 Grand Prize Winner - Rainbow Lizard by Jay

It was darn hard to pick a winner. A number of entries vied for the honor of supreme despicability, inordinate crassness, repulsive ingredients, combinatory malice aforethought, and downright inedibility. The most heroic adventurer, however, was doubtless Jay, who spent a good 16 hours separating out the colored nuggets of most of a box of indescribable rainbow-colored cereal, and who then sculpted a chameleon with the results.

And more...

 

1993 Contest

The very first ever, original, never before seen Demented Breakfast Cereal Treat Extravaganza was held on January 30, 1993, in Seattle on Andy's 43rd birthday. Here are a few photographs of that historic event, taken in an era before anybody knew this would be thought of as one of the defining moments of the late twentieth century.