2002 Contest

Grand Prize Winner: "The Venus de Milko" by Lori, John, Leo, Peter.

A font of calcium-rich, vitamin packed, pure white liquid heaven, cascading from a classical statuette constructed of Rice Krispie Treat material, bran, and chutzpah.

2nd Prize Winner - Bamiyan Buddha/Venice Charter Violation

by Charles and Shaula

In commemoration of the immense Afghani statue of the Buddha destroyed in 2001 by the Taliban.

In the Bamiyan Valley of Afghanistan, two Buddha statues were carved into sandstone cliffs sometime in the 3rd Century, AD. The valley was a regular stop of the silk caravan route and reflected the area being a major Buddhist center from the 2nd Century through the 9th Century. After they were carved, their detail was built up with mud and straw, plastered over and the final results painted. It is believed the larger Buddha was red and the smaller was blue, with their faces and hands in gold.

The taller statue (approximated here as it appeared in 1979) was 53 meters tall (175 feet), and the largest statue figure in the world. The smaller statue was 36 meters tall (120 feet).

In March 2001, the Taliban destroyed the Buddhas because they considered them offensive. For years, many organizations had tried to save the Buddhas, and some even offered money to preserve them. The Taliban refused, arguing that it was hypocritical to offer money to save statues when there were children starving in their country. It was apparently not hypocritical to be spending money on ordnance for destruction. CNN.com quoted Information Minister Qudratullah Jamal: "The destruction work is not as easy as people would think," he said. "You can't knock down the statues by dynamite or shelling as both of them have been carved in a cliff. They are firmly attached to the mountain." After the destruction, the Taliban attempted to sell pieces of the Buddhas.

Although some groups called for rebuilding the Buddhas, UNESCO (United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization) says the Venice Charter forbids the reconstruction of monuments on the principle that a cultural artifact cannot be replaced.

In memory of the Buddhas of Bamiyan and in possible violation of the Venice Charter, we render the larger statue in Kellogg’s Rice Crispies using 1/100 scale for Andy and Project Alchemy’s birthday.

3rd Prize Winner - Box Art: Solidaribits and Manifesto

by Paul, Rebecca and William

MANIFESTO in Defense of Demented Breakfast Cereal Treat BOX Art, as Opposed to Cereal Treat Art Per Se

 

Whereas…

• Demented BOX Art has emerged, in recent years, as the most dynamic and popular trend in the Demented Breakfast Cereal Treat Art of our time.

• Any really decent breakfast cereal is, by definition, not only lumpy and extra crunchy but also of a beige, tan, or brown hue, thereby narrowing the textural, shapular, and colorific expression of cereal art beyond the reasonable creative constraints of art and design. See Addendum: Exhibit A (leftwing).

• The only breakfast cereal treats affording the demented cereal artiste an adequate textural, shapular, and colorific palette are tasteless, unhealthy, laced with Red, Yellow, and Blue Dyes #1–999,999,999, and produced by workers exploited for obscene profits by evil multinational corporations. See Addendum: Exhibit B (rightwing).

• Demented BOX Art, unlike cereal treat art per se, does not require the purchase of tasteless, unhealthy breakfast cereal treat products.

• Tasteless, unhealthy breakfast cereal treat products, though by definition tasteless—and did we mention unhealthy?—do nevertheless consist of Food.

• Food, no matter how tasteless and/or unhealthy, is better consumed by hungry human beings, even by beasts, than fondled by demented cereal artistes—and ultimately, let’s face it, wantonly destroyed as so much unrecyclable rubbish.

• Demented BOX Art, unlike its antecedent cereal treat art per se, does not require said wanton destruction of said food in said unrecyclable rubbish.

• Demented BOX Art, unlike cereal art per se, if produced on recycled paper as are this Manifesto and its accompanying SolidariBits, does not even kill many trees. And those it does kill, die gladly.

• The soi-disant Judges, a.k.a. the Management, of said Contest, in its notorious first six years, have displayed an unconscionable preference in favor of the same old Establishment cereal treat “art,” which the demented public and critics alike have deemed “so over.” These same Judges have flaunted their blinkered prejudice against demented BOX Art, the aforementioned culmination not only of Demented Breakfast Cereal Treat Art but of Art in its entirety as we know it.

Herewith…

• Now that we have exposed to said demented public said intrinsic contradictions of said Contest, heretofore unspoken except sotto voce in alienated caucuses, our nonnegotiable demand is for said Judges of said 7th Annual Demented Breakfast Cereal Treat Contest to redress said wrongs by beginning to recognize, representationally, said contributions of said demented BOX artistes everywhere. You may start with SolidariBits. Now. Do not attempt to co-opt us with even your most magnificent trophy. If chosen, we will not accept. If elected, we will not serve. (Well, perhaps we might. Oh, all right, if you insist.)

Addendum: Exhibit A. PCC extra-crunchy granola.

Tastes better than it looks. And so good for you. Honest.

Addendum: Exhibit B. Fruit Loops.

Look better than they taste. Sweetened cardboard soaked in Red, Yellow, and Blue Dyes. Purchased, years ago, by starving breakfast cereal treat artistes, since driven to dementia by the past capriciousness of said Judges.

This must stop.